You just can’t make this shit up.

photo courtesy of thecommunitypaper.com

So I’m really not in the mood to write, but I am making an exception and posting this short excerpt because I feel it is my obligation to share. Since I am an ever-obsessive blogger, I refresh my stats roughly 50,000 times a day, thus making me hyper-aware of how people come across my blog. The search terms, usually, are slightly amusing, but nothing to write home about.

But today, friends, today, they are worth taking the time to slap together an ill-worded, shoddy post for your amusement.

Without further ado, how these people found my blog today, March 29, 2012:

 

Search Terms:

Spanx

Pass the vodka

I have stitches near my taint

Sappy nose definition

Wife made me stand in front of her and shit into my knickers

Mommysaidaswearword

Poke

Oh shit is that slut my mother?

Please come back sweetie I am alone

Assclown

 

 

I do hope that Pass the Vodka, Assclown, and Knicker Shitter subscribed to my blog. The guy with the slutty mother can move on, however.

Happy Friday!

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24 responses

  1. The most searched-for term that people use to end up on my blog is “Naked Aerobics” or some horribly misspelled-version thereof(apparently this is a thing. I had no idea). I also had “hockey stick underpants”, which I’m not entirely certain about, as well as “the naked Jewish kid in the video”. The rest, as best I can remember, are all pretty tame.

    I’m not sure how one might use the term “Assclown” in a sentence, but by golly, I’m going to spend my weekend trying.

  2. I was pretty disturbed by my search results today! They were: daddy’s little 12yr old girls,
    coca cola old logo,
    naked zoo keepers,
    underwear online for my preteen daughter
    I get the coca cola and the zoo keepers, but naked? It makes the other two seem a bit tainted. I’m afraid that’s even more bizarre than I am!

  3. God yours are funny. Here are some of my more recent ones. Just about sums me up I think!

    urinal slave
    bums arse poo shit piss
    a mouthful of milk
    “my crotch”
    wet myself desperate
    stained with the blood of menstruation knickers

  4. Holy amazing! I definitely get some funny search terms, but your list is soooo much more amusing than mine. I laughed out loud as I read it and my husband just looked at me and sighed… “There she is again, having fun on the internet while I work.” Oops :)

    • Haha, sounds very similar to my husband, especially when I say “Oh, so and so’s blog said this today.” he thinks I am crazy for feeling like I am ‘friends’ with the bloggers I follow, lol. Maybe I am.

    • Thank you! I felt the same way reading your blog. Not to sound ‘uppity’, but I hardly ever follow blogs that are less than 6 months old. Not because their content is bad or anything like that, but because I’m afraid I will start to love their posts and then they will stop posting and leave me! But with yours I absolutely had to subscribe, the title alone hooked me! Love it!

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